Uggh!! What Postpartum Depression is Not...Only

From my voice mail---"Hello, my name is ....I just came from my OB office and we are pretty sure--No, totally sure I don't have Postpartum Depression because I don't want to kill myself or my kids....I just need to talk to someone. Can you call me?"

In a panicked rush I write down the caller's name, phone number and then return her call. No answer, I leave a pleasant, non-panicky message, acknowledging her call and request for services and leave a directive to please call back. No call back.  Next day, another pleasant engaging message left. Two days have passed without a returned call.

As a therapist who works with women challenged by the symptoms of Postpartum Mood Disorders I have several concerns about this call, but here are my top two. 1.) The caller gives me the impression that her OB cleared her of PPMD because she isn't a danger to herself or infant. The caller also seems to believe that this fact is the true litmus test for PPMD.  2.) The caller is probably a common representation of what the general public incorrectly thinks or believes about PPMD--which is Postpartum Depression is when you want to kill yourself and or your kids. I blame the media for this because the stories and the faces of PPMD that make headlines have unfortunately all been on the violent end of the spectrum of this awful disorder.

Here's what could be going on; the caller could be having racing thoughts, not sleeping or sleeping all the time, highly irritable, experiencing paralyzing intrusive and disturbing thoughts, she might not be eating, not showering, she is crying all the time, she feels alone even though she has a tremendous support system, she is not bonding with her baby, but she is not having thoughts of wanting to harm herself or her children. But guess what? That is postpartum depression or anxiety or OCD or a budding psychosis.  Her need for services and intervention are significant. Who knows whether or not her OB even asked her about these other symptoms.

It makes me wonder how many women are denying themselves relief of the symptoms I outlined simply because they believe that what they are feeling is "normal" when you have a newborn to care for (normal for PPMD but not normal for a new mom) or other well meaning people in her life are "clearing" her of PPMD simply because she doesn't want to harm herself or her child.  Worse yet, maybe someone is telling her that she is simply experiencing cringe The Baby Blues. Yes, suicidal and homicidal ideation, intent and plan are symptoms of PPMD but the absence of these thoughts does not absolve a woman from suffering from debilitating symptoms of PPMD. 

So, I debate calling this woman again. Not too strongly as I most likely will place another pleasant call to her. I hope I am wrong, I hope her initial reason for calling was that she is debating whether or not to stay home with her kids or return to work and just wants an objective ear to process this decision. I bet not, but I hope.

To further quell my worry I will end this post with links to iron clad resources any woman or concerned family/friend can use to get help and read the straight dope on PPMD and hope this post goes viral on Twitter or Facebook. Share it if you read it.

www.postpartum.net
www.postpartumprogress.com

Mary Jackson Lee, LCSW is a psychotherapist with a private practice in Wheaton, IL
www.maryjacksonleelcsw.com